This is one of the things I thought about filming. I know that it is rather poorly written but I did this when I was about 16 or 17 years old so give me a break.
The Rise and Fall of Fort Ticonderoga
This is a tale of a Big Team Battle in Halo 2. Most of the people involved were all of the same clan (Max Rapage). WeaponX (refer to list of characters below) came up with a game called “Hide”. In this game is have your entire team hide and wait for the enemy team to come to you. When they do come, the team all jumps out and kills them while screaming “dirty Mexicans.” This is the tale of the mighty Fort Ticonderoga.
Setting: Headlong, 1 Flag CTF, December 13, 2004, 8:23 p.m.
Characters: Neocron: former leader of |MR|, a little gothic, cool, lives in Wisconsin
Fatal Instinct: former leader of |MR|, Canadian, Arab, all gansta too
Jahablo: member of |MR|, live in same town as Neocron, cool
Wanabme: 14 years old, skilled, cool, likes to eat and play XBL
WeaponX: former member/leader of |MR|, fat, wants to be a marine
Driftor: leader of |MR|, from the south, a little crazy, eats frog legs a lot
Duke of Nasty: member of |MR|, live in same town as Driftor, cool
AZTEK1: n00b with no mic and completely ignores the team (mostly)
Enemy#1: little kid with no life and a penetrating voice
Enemy#2: even smaller kid with a squeakier voice and less of a life
Enemy#3: you get the point by now
The |MR| crew is on defense first. Weapon has the brilliant idea of us all hiding under the stairs in the base. About five of us hide under the stairs in the bottom level, the other three are hidden sporadically along the stairwell. All that can be heard is “Shuussshhhhhh”, “STFU”, and “quiet or they will hear us.” We all stay quiet and hid while we watch the red dots move around on our radar.
“This is going to be the easiest game ever,” breaks trough out TV speakers at such a high frequency that some of us had to buy new speakers. The little kiddy clan stole our flag. We were still in hiding until WeaponX yells, “Lets get these little bastards.” Our entire clan poured out of the stairwell like roaches running from light. We swarmed them and killed them all. Their flag carrier got as far as where one would pick up the Beam Rifle, but he got no further because Jahablo killed him stone cold dead. We all regrouped over there and hid close to the enemy side of the bridge. Anyone that came into our room of doom died instantly. The timer ran out (with no sudden death) and we kept them from scoring.
Next we had to be on offense. Driftor asked, “Are we still going to hide or try to capture the flag?” Everyone yelled back, “We’re hiding man.” Driftor began to yell, “Follow me guys, through the teleporter and into the top room. We can get the Brute Shot and the Sword and the goodies up there, man. C’mon, lets go.” By the time Driftor was done saying all that, everyone was already up there and getting all the ‘goodies’. And by everyone, that means everyone except AZTEK1 who was making a lone Warthog assault on the enemy base. AZTEK1 was pinned down in the building below and the right of us.
WeaponX says, “Hey why don’t we help that guy out and get the flag and bring it back up here and then we can hide and then…”, his mic cut out so nobody know how many ‘and then’s when on. But anyway, we all jumped out the window. We only fell about a hundred feet and landed on the walkway that led right into their base. AZTEK1 was pinned down no more. The guy pinning him tried to turn and run, but only made it about 2 steps before his body was nothing but a mangle pile of flesh (figuratively speaking of course). The base is ours but there are still a few of them creeping around by the flag.
When all is clear, Fatal yelled “Driftor it’s aboot time you get the flag, aye?” Driftor grabbed the flag, and followed the team up to the top of the teleporter area where they were just moments before. Only two people died in the entire siege. They were Wanabme, and AZKTEK1. In all fairness, Wanabme go the most kills during the siege. When Driftor arrived at the teleporter area it was obvious that somebody decided to stay there instead of helping out the flag carrier.
All of the boxes where one would pick up the Sword were moved around to form a semicircle around the corner. Everybody got behind the boxes and hid in the corner. The two dead guys soon respawned and joined the party. Jahablo gets all ecstatic and says “We must defend For Ticonderoga.” “Fort Ticonderoga”, we all mumbled the name with laughter. From hence forth, the area was known as Fort Ticonderoga. Wanabme began to sing songs on his guitar. His singing had something to be desired. Everybody began to bitch about the music. Perhaps Wanabme could get a job with the U.S. government. He could sing to the Iraqis: any building not made with steal would certainly crumble, all the Iraqis would be deaf, but most of them would probably kill themselves after about 5 minutes.
Somebody left, the game had to set up, connect, reload, and all that shit again. It only took about 10 minutes to do so. We thought that the other team had left, but come to find out Fatal left because he couldn’t stand Wanabme’s singing anymore. Wanabme asked “Is it really that bad?” We all screamed (not screaming out of anger, but screaming because we could no longer hear how loud our own voice was) “YES”. “Well, its not my fault,” Wanabem retorted, “I’ve only been learning to play for two weeks.” Anyway, since Fatal left, the game gave us two swords.
We waited for about 15 minutes. Driftor got a little antsy and began to smack people with the flag. They smacked him back, some accidentally hit other people, and it ended up with Driftor betraying Neocron. Neocron respawned at his base only to find that all eight little kids were inside waiting for us to come with the flag. “Hey there’s one of them over there”, screeched a faggoty little kid. Neocron must have pulled a matrix and dodged about a thousand bullets. He somehow got to a Warthog and drove a huge circle all the way around the map to get back to us. Neocron teased them with words such as “Come find us at Fort Ticonderoga. You’ll have to come find us you little nubs.”, and last but not least he yelled, “Catch me if you can.”, while driving away in the Warthog that he stole right out from under their noses.
Neocron’s return must have led them back to us. About a minute after he got back red dots began to appear on the radar again. WeaponX was whispering “Shush”. Everybody shut up. We watched the red dots come close and then go away. Some vanished but for the most part they seemed to be getting closer and closer to us. And then, all of a sudden, we see a head appear by the stairwell we are sitting by, then a body. “I knew it, I knew they were here” cried the nine year old voice. One can only image what he was thinking; seeing seven people sitting in a corner with the flag; he must have been thinking ‘killtacular’. He chunked a grenade into the corner we were sitting in and continued to come up the stairs.
Never will there be an aerial assault like the one witnessed by the grenade chunking n00b. All seven of us jumped up and out in unison. WeaponX and Jahablo, rushed the grenade chunking n00b and were killing him until all three of them were smacked by AZTEK1’s rocket. Our Sword guys, Wanabme and Duke of Nasty, got red lock-ons and took off from the height of their leap outward. They looked like Superman flying in for a punch, but carrying a Sword. Neocron and Driftor ran over to the left. Neocron ran into a two vs. one situation on the left stair well and killed one, but the second man killed him. Driftor jumped down off the top of the stairs, and smacked the enemy with the flag. The enemy did not die but ran away. Wanabme died, Jahablo died, Neocron died, and WeaponX died. AZTEK1, Driftor, and Duke of Nasty were still alive.
Driftor found the last enemy and beat him down with the Flag. Afterwards, Driftor exclaimed “Fort Ticonderoga has been defended.” Nobody heard that because they were all yelling at Driftor to take the flag back home and score. “I’m on my way,” Driftor replied. Just then, AZTEK1 walked right up behind Driftor and shot him in the back with a rocket. Both Driftor and AZTEK1 died. Duke of Nasty grabbed the flag and yelled “I got it. I’m coming back.” After killing 3 teammates and himself, AZTEK1 got a huge ass respawn time and didn’t get to come back for the rest of the match.
Duke of Nasty was almost at the base to score but, a lag spike hit us. Everyone but WeaponX and Jahablo were affected. Duke was ice skating (lagging) across the cement away from our base. So, WeaponX and Jahablo had to push his lagging ass in the right direction. They pushed him onto the point and we won the round. The other team didn’t even try after that. Most of them left.
By: Driftor
Edited by: almost all of |MR|
Subject: The Rise and Fall of Fort Ticonderoga 
Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:39 pm
